he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You don't make any sense
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