If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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