highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
