I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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