Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
