farters have to be the big spoon...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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