saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
