the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
