so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
