dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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