mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
