I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer