my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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