We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?