someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit