even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
