mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
