Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
