Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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