Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
