so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
