i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
