dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
