Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
