Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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