So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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