she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
