Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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