I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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