the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
