Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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