My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize