I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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