i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
smell my finger.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
