I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
