I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
