it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am spending my child support on dildos
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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