Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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