you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
