my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
