in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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