I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
