Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
