I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
