Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
