so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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