bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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