he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
