hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I believe in your delicious
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
