You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
