Non-Jews are for practice
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
