I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
