Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
