Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
