that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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