So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
