No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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