Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
