We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
