We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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