another moral hangover. fuck.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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