I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
