Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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