We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
