we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
