I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
