Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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