One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
