He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
