At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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