i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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