lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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