i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
