there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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