Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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