Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
