she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am mentally ready for anal.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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