my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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