dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
