Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
